Sage Waterhouse; erotic embodiment
Amelia Grace Andrews did not exist for two years. Every friend I met along the way, colleague's, followers on social media, were all under the impression that I, Amelia Grace Andrews, was 'Sage Waterhouse'.
When I was 18, I was thrown into the deep end of luxurious sex parties, photo shoots, and worldwide travel. I had ZERO experience with my sensuality, having had no sexual experience before hand, so as you can imagine, choosing a sexy, confident persona was the only way I could move in this crazy world I had entered. 'She', as I refer to the alias as, may have been seen as a show, a mask, a fire starter. But in reality, she’s the realist version of myself I could share at the time. She was a part of myself born from a lifelong devotion to Aphrodite, to art, to sex. I had just never tapped into her before.
Long before I stepped into the parties, the performances, or the camera’s eye, I was obsessively studying classical civilisations, and devoted spiritual worship to Aphrodite. I had an 'alter' of sorts for the Goddess, and I'd simply speak aloud my appreciation of the love, sex, and eroticism she represented. I didn’t ask anything from her, not beauty, nor great sex, I just wished to create an energy where what she represented was being celebrated. That’s why I’m now in the world I lay- the sex, the people, the photos, the parties- I feel most like myself in an artistic, sensual environment. My favourite works of art, favourite flowers, favourite books, all stem from my younger idealisation of romanticism.
I’ve never been obsessed with sex. I describe myself as hyper-sensual rather than sexual, and I’m far more interested in the art and energy than the mechanics of sex. So, when people ask if it’s just a camera facing façade, or how I separated it from other areas of my life the answer is simple. I didn't. I have always lived my life through a sensual gaze, now so more than ever. My goal has always been to live honestly and widen the space for sensuality in this world. If my presence allows you to see yourself more clearly, then that devotion has found its purpose.
I was once asked, “Do you ever find yourself performing in a group setting vs truly relaxing and enjoying?”, and I responded on an Instagram story “Can you tell I love to be seen? (Video attached) I feel like a conduit of sexual energy. When in front of a camera, when I portray sex, I feel most able to receive. Performing isn’t about pretending, it’s about embodying, channelling what turns me on. Being a provider of sexual energy for a group is an incredible feeling. My sensuality is a switch in my brain, and she comes with an attitude, if she was turned off, so would I be."
In fact, more than just the pure enjoyment of it, erotic embodiment is what protects me from more fragile states of myself. What people won’t recognise, is that I live with health irregularities triggered by almost anything: heat, alcohol, anxiety, even just a deep breath. These spikes trigger symptoms that spiral into more unmanageable problems. Yet I enjoy sex parties, shibari suspensions, and the kind of environments designed to trigger my health. I discovered that embodying this more confident, sensual version of myself is the only way to steady myself while a medical solution has yet to be offered for issues such as POTS and FND, which I struggle with. My ‘performing mode’ is me engaging in the very things a lot of people fear; being seen, watched, naked- is the only way of being that comforts me in the confidence I gain from erotic embodiment.
Erotic embodiment is a state of deep presence, where erotic energy becomes a way of regulating, grounding, and anchoring yourself. It’s about inhabiting your body so fully that every breath and sensation becomes both pleasure and stability. According to Marie Thouin-Savard’s “Erotic Mindfulness: A Core Educational and Therapeutic Strategy in Somatic Sexology Practices” this state is ‘seen as a bridge to allow access to what’s locked in the body, to heal not just the mind but the soma (body) too.” Now while this cannot be viewed as a solution for any medical conditions, what I can share is my experience, erotic embodiment steadies me in ways nothing else does.
Sage Waterhouse may now be a lost name, choosing now to move forward with my own, but she will always be a big part of what moved me to who I am now.